| On an answering machine: Me no here.
Me go bye. You leave message. Me reply.
Roses are red violets are blue
sugar is sweet and so are you,
but the roses are wilting,
the violets are dead,
the sugar blows empty
and so0os ur heaD!
If you're not living life on the edge, you're
taking up too much space.
I'm
a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I'm perfect.
Sign on baby's bib: SPIT HAPPENS.
I
can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't
looking good either.
Join the army! Travel the world! Meet interesting
people! Kill them!
Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like
having a peeing section in a swimming pool.
Ah, yes, divorce......., from the Latin word
meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet...
-- Robin Williams.
Sometimes you're the bug, and sometimes you're
the windshield..
Drunk!...naught me - I'm Serfectly Pober Occifer!
I know Karate, Kung Fu, and 47 other dangerous
words.
Why buy shampoo when real poo is still free
Death is life's way of telling you - you're
fired.
Alpha Centauri Space Station. Commander Marlin
can't come to the phone right now. He's either saving the universe from
some dread, unnamed peril, or perhaps taking a nappie. Leave your name and
number after the beep and he will return your call.
Narrator's voice:) There Dale sits, reading a
magazine. Suddenly the telephone rings! The bathroom explodes into a
veritable maelstrom of toilet paper, with Dale in the middle of it, his
arms wind milling at incredible speeds! Will he make it in time? Alas no,
his valiant effort is in vain. The bell hath sounded. Thou must leave a
message.
Hi!
Jan's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak
very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these
magnets.
A repair shop:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T
WORK)
I'm gonna live forever, or die trying.
A Wise Man can see more from the bottom of a well
than a Fool can see from the top of a mountain.
A ship in the harbor is safe, but that is not
what ships are built for.
"Those
who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music".
- George Carlin
"That's the trouble with being me. At this
point, nobody gives a damn what my problem is. I could literally have a
tumor on the side of my head and they'd be like, 'Yeah, big deal. I'd eat
a tumor every morning for the kinda money you're pulling down."-- Jim
Carrey
"Everyody stands - that's our policy. If
Jesus Christ comes on the show, guess what? It's like, 'Stand right here
Jesus, we got Papa Roach coming up at number six." - Carson Daly
"I want to rip out his heart and feed it to
him. I want to kill people. I want to rip their stomachs out and eat their
children." [on Lennox Lewis] -- Mike Tyson
Cocaine
is God's way of saying you're making too much money. --Robin Williams
It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves
pound the sand. I beat people up.
-- Muhammad Ali
If I
die before my cat, I want a little of my ashes put in his food so I can
live inside him.
- - Drew Barrymore (1998)
Your words to me just a whisper. Your faces so
unclear. I try to pay attention. Your words just disappear.
"Twenty years from now you will be
more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did.
So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor.
Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream.
Discover."
-Mark Twain
"Only two things are
infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the
former." -Albert Einstein
‘Cause I am barely breathing
And I can’t find the air
I don’t know who I’m kidding
Imagining you care
And I could stand here waiting
A fool for another day
But I don’t suppose it’s worth the price, worth the price
The price that I would pay
But I’m thinking it over anyway...
- "Barely Breathing" - Duncan Sheik
Feelings
are not supposed to be logical. Dangerous is the man who has rationalized
his emotions."
-David Borenstein
"He
who angers you conquers you."
-Elizabeth Kenny
Choose
your friends by their character and your socks by their color. Choosing
your socks by their character makes no sense, and choosing your friends by
their color is unthinkable.
"Shyness
has a strange element of narcissism, a belief that how we look, how we
perform, is truly important to other people."
A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence
we have that people are still thinking. |
