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All About Me
Annoying Site
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Midi Lounge
Why 7th Sucks
My Piss-Offs

Random Stuff

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The Dog House

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On an answering machine: Me no here. Me go bye. You leave message. Me reply.

Roses are red violets are blue 

sugar is sweet and so are you, 

but the roses are wilting, 

the violets are dead, 

the sugar blows empty 

and so0os ur heaD!

If you're not living life on the edge, you're taking up too much space.

I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I'm perfect.

Sign on baby's bib: SPIT HAPPENS.

I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.

Join the army! Travel the world! Meet interesting people! Kill them!

Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a swimming pool.

Ah, yes, divorce......., from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet...
-- Robin Williams.

Sometimes you're the bug, and sometimes you're the windshield..

Drunk!...naught me - I'm Serfectly Pober Occifer!

I know Karate, Kung Fu, and 47 other dangerous words.

Why buy shampoo when real poo is still free

Death is life's way of telling you - you're fired.

Alpha Centauri Space Station. Commander Marlin can't come to the phone right now. He's either saving the universe from some dread, unnamed peril, or perhaps taking a nappie. Leave your name and number after the beep and he will return your call.

Narrator's voice:) There Dale sits, reading a magazine. Suddenly the telephone rings! The bathroom explodes into a veritable maelstrom of toilet paper, with Dale in the middle of it, his arms wind milling at incredible speeds! Will he make it in time? Alas no, his valiant effort is in vain. The bell hath sounded. Thou must leave a message.

Hi! Jan's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

A repair shop:

I'm gonna live forever, or die trying.

A Wise Man can see more from the bottom of a well than a Fool can see from the top of a mountain.

A ship in the harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.

"Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music". - George Carlin

"That's the trouble with being me. At this point, nobody gives a damn what my problem is. I could literally have a tumor on the side of my head and they'd be like, 'Yeah, big deal. I'd eat a tumor every morning for the kinda money you're pulling down."-- Jim Carrey

"Everyody stands - that's our policy. If Jesus Christ comes on the show, guess what? It's like, 'Stand right here Jesus, we got Papa Roach coming up at number six." - Carson Daly

"I want to rip out his heart and feed it to him. I want to kill people. I want to rip their stomachs out and eat their children." [on Lennox Lewis] -- Mike Tyson

Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money. --Robin Williams

It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.
-- Muhammad Ali

If I die before my cat, I want a little of my ashes put in his food so I can live inside him.
- - Drew Barrymore (1998)

Your words to me just a whisper. Your faces so unclear. I try to pay attention. Your words just disappear.

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did.  So throw off the bow lines.  Sail away from the safe harbor.  Catch the trade winds in your sails.  Explore.  Dream.  Discover."
-Mark Twain

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."    -Albert Einstein

ĎCause I am barely breathing
And I canít find the air
I donít know who Iím kidding
Imagining you care
And I could stand here waiting
A fool for another day
But I donít suppose itís worth the price, worth the price
The price that I would pay
But Iím thinking it over anyway...

- "Barely Breathing" - Duncan Sheik

Feelings are not supposed to be logical. Dangerous is the man who has rationalized his emotions."
-David Borenstein

"He who angers you conquers you."
-Elizabeth Kenny

Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color. Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense, and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.

"Shyness has a strange element of narcissism, a belief that how we look, how we perform, is truly important to other people."

A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.